Fight The Dawn
An Abstract Legacy

Archive: Aug 2016

Failure

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Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
-Winston Churchill

Failure has always been the bane of my existence; one of my greatest fears. There is something remarkable in the fact that we grow up with this brooding fear of failure. It often starts when we are very young and leads us into complacent lifestyles; this need to always play life safe. But for me there is such dissatisfaction in that. A deep part of me strives to fail just to overcome that and dive into this need to break out, to break free.

Yet, all my years of conditioning have stifled that freedom and caused me to run away from failure, hurt, and pain. I run to a new place or experience that affords me comfort and complacency. Which only proves to encourage my inner creativity to fight harder to break out. There is no success without failure, and in art failure is a necessity. There is no growth in art through complacency and safety. Art demands courage; a vulnerability to expose one’s self. Which in it of itself demands failure for we are but imperfect beings; perfect in our imperfections.

I know what is demanded of me now and my goal is to dare to fail. What I fear more now is not failing but failing to bravely step out and put everything I am into the work and on the line. For even if that results in failure I can learn and grow from that as an artist. But missing the chance to be brave when the opportunity arises is what I cannot forgive myself for. Fear holds us back, failure pushes us forward.

Steady The Flow

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I feel like I have forgotten what it is like to be in love. Or rather I’ve busied myself so much these past years in trying to forget. Yet it still lingers on my soul. The sweet taste of it, the dizzying feel of it, all swirled together to knock me back. Acting has helped me open up in so many ways and I cannot even fathom how love would hit me or affect me now. It intrigues me and I would wish to know and experience it. Yet the truth of it I find is that I’m still afraid. I’ve conquered fears these past years. Yet, still do I hold out on this front. To love again.